Thank you for sharing something so tender and close to the hurting places in your own heart, A. To me, it feels like there's love and kindness and something like forgiveness in your poem, but there's also the wise and perhaps self-protective recognition that if he hasn't apologized for the harm he's caused, it's unlikely that he's fully healed. I'm glad you're keeping yourself safe. And glad that you're transmuting pain into such beautiful poetry!
Thank you so much, Lisa. What you described is very much where I'm at with all of it. I keep thinking that when I write and share things like this, they're not really relatable, but it's so healing for me to be witnessed and held by each of you here.
Thank you for sharing this tender, honest and powerful poem. I have estranged relationships from a parent and a sibling, and these event days like birthdays can feel strange and disorienting and the pain surfaces from its thin place. Even when an inner core knows the healthier way is to not be in contact, there can be a sadness in that. You articulate so well the yearning just to hear and feel the тАЬIтАЩm sorryтАЭ. The apology that should but may never come. I find myself wondering sometimes тАЬwhat are they feeling?тАЭ Your putting this into words feels like a healing step, and has certainly resonated with and spoken to me. ЁЯзб
I hear you A. And I really appreciate the disconnect you mentioned here between being healed but not making amends. It seems off to me too. Yes by all means take care of you! Beautifully written poem, by the way! Thank you for this tender vulnerable sharing. It is very powerful.
Thanks for sharing this intimate conversation-poem here, A. Such a powerful distinction you make between happy and joyful. I relate to this deeply, as I have similar circumstances with siblings. Birthdays are grief markers for me in those relationships. Wishing you and your brother the peace that passeth all understanding.
Thank you, Keith. I don't know that I've ever named this day as a grief marker before, but that definitely feels right. I always dread it in a way I don't really do with any other date.
For me, the grief that has come with sibling estrangement is different, but just as hard as the grief that has come with losses from actual deaths. And it so rarely gets acknowledged in our culture. Holding much space for you around the dread. <3
Thank you for sharing this with us, A. I also worry that when I write down those darker paths it won't be relatable -- but this group never ceases to amaze and hold me! That you are at a place in your own healing that you can poetically almost-wish your sibling a "happy" (as in whole) birthday says so much about you & your work & your heart.
I feel your pain and yet, a sense of acceptance for what is, coming through your words. Thank you for sharing and continue to know that you are seen and valued by all of us here.
Thank you, Karri. The acceptance has been a hard one, but having finally gotten there feels like a big deal. I do feel seen and valued by each of you, and I'm so grateful.
Today is my abusive estranged sibling's birthday, so this is not a happy poem, but it feels true.
For the first time in years, I almost
want to wish you a happy birthday --
but not happy as in joyful;
happy as in whole
and healed
and no longer causing harm
to anyone without apology or amends.
I'm told you are happy now, truly, and
I almost want to believe it --
because I would like to believe that
maybe all you really needed
to break your habit of cruelty
was to get a break from whatever was
weighing heaviest on you.
But it's hard for me to believe in
that version of you --
because you never showed him to me.
Do you say "I'm sorry" now?
I've long since stopped waiting
for you to say it to me, and yet
when I imagine you,
happy
and whole
and healed
and harmless,
the only way I can picture it
is with you saying those words to me.
Maybe then I'd be able to wish you
joy as well.
Thank you for sharing something so tender and close to the hurting places in your own heart, A. To me, it feels like there's love and kindness and something like forgiveness in your poem, but there's also the wise and perhaps self-protective recognition that if he hasn't apologized for the harm he's caused, it's unlikely that he's fully healed. I'm glad you're keeping yourself safe. And glad that you're transmuting pain into such beautiful poetry!
Thank you so much, Lisa. What you described is very much where I'm at with all of it. I keep thinking that when I write and share things like this, they're not really relatable, but it's so healing for me to be witnessed and held by each of you here.
Dear A., this is more relatable than you mignt initally think. It certainly resonates with me.
Thank you for sharing this tender, honest and powerful poem. I have estranged relationships from a parent and a sibling, and these event days like birthdays can feel strange and disorienting and the pain surfaces from its thin place. Even when an inner core knows the healthier way is to not be in contact, there can be a sadness in that. You articulate so well the yearning just to hear and feel the тАЬIтАЩm sorryтАЭ. The apology that should but may never come. I find myself wondering sometimes тАЬwhat are they feeling?тАЭ Your putting this into words feels like a healing step, and has certainly resonated with and spoken to me. ЁЯзб
I think it was good for me to get it out today. I'm so glad that it helped you a bit as well! ЁЯзб
I hear you A. And I really appreciate the disconnect you mentioned here between being healed but not making amends. It seems off to me too. Yes by all means take care of you! Beautifully written poem, by the way! Thank you for this tender vulnerable sharing. It is very powerful.
Thank you so much, Julie. It's powerful for me to have you and the rest of this supportive community to be vulnerable with.
Thanks for sharing this intimate conversation-poem here, A. Such a powerful distinction you make between happy and joyful. I relate to this deeply, as I have similar circumstances with siblings. Birthdays are grief markers for me in those relationships. Wishing you and your brother the peace that passeth all understanding.
Thank you, Keith. I don't know that I've ever named this day as a grief marker before, but that definitely feels right. I always dread it in a way I don't really do with any other date.
For me, the grief that has come with sibling estrangement is different, but just as hard as the grief that has come with losses from actual deaths. And it so rarely gets acknowledged in our culture. Holding much space for you around the dread. <3
Thank you, friend ЁЯзб
Thank you for sharing this with us, A. I also worry that when I write down those darker paths it won't be relatable -- but this group never ceases to amaze and hold me! That you are at a place in your own healing that you can poetically almost-wish your sibling a "happy" (as in whole) birthday says so much about you & your work & your heart.
Thank you, Rebekah. It has certainly taken a while to get here.
I feel your pain and yet, a sense of acceptance for what is, coming through your words. Thank you for sharing and continue to know that you are seen and valued by all of us here.
Thank you, Karri. The acceptance has been a hard one, but having finally gotten there feels like a big deal. I do feel seen and valued by each of you, and I'm so grateful.