It's funny, because I grew up watching my parents be mad a lot and still somehow felt that my "mom rage" was my own failing and different from them. But we also didn't really talk about our feelings much, and it wasn't until after I had my first and was crying in a car with my mom that I realized (because she told me) that she had felt t…
It's funny, because I grew up watching my parents be mad a lot and still somehow felt that my "mom rage" was my own failing and different from them. But we also didn't really talk about our feelings much, and it wasn't until after I had my first and was crying in a car with my mom that I realized (because she told me) that she had felt that way, too. I also make it a priority to repair things with my kids and talk about my struggles so that they can understand it's normal and they're not alone and that it's okay to struggle, and I definitely had that in mind here. 🧡
I think those conversations about feelings and intentional repairs make a huge difference. Or at least, I hope they do! I don't remember those kinds of conversations ever happening in my childhood.
I've read that traumatic events are traumatizing because we don't feel safe to fully process them and/or aren't given enough information about them to heal well (especially as children), and I think that definitely also applies to understanding other people's feelings and that they're often not even really *about* us even when they're directed *at* us, and recognizing that sometimes feelings are just hard and we don't know how to deal and that's normal and we can keep trying and learning. I think if someone had had conversions about that with me when I was younger, I'd be better at processing and regulating my feelings now, and I also wouldn't have felt so responsible for others' emotional state.
This makes so much sense to me. I definitely entered adulthood with the beliefs that I should never feel anger and that I was responsible for the feelings of people around me. It's been a slow unlearning, but I've come a long way!
It's funny, because I grew up watching my parents be mad a lot and still somehow felt that my "mom rage" was my own failing and different from them. But we also didn't really talk about our feelings much, and it wasn't until after I had my first and was crying in a car with my mom that I realized (because she told me) that she had felt that way, too. I also make it a priority to repair things with my kids and talk about my struggles so that they can understand it's normal and they're not alone and that it's okay to struggle, and I definitely had that in mind here. 🧡
I think those conversations about feelings and intentional repairs make a huge difference. Or at least, I hope they do! I don't remember those kinds of conversations ever happening in my childhood.
I've read that traumatic events are traumatizing because we don't feel safe to fully process them and/or aren't given enough information about them to heal well (especially as children), and I think that definitely also applies to understanding other people's feelings and that they're often not even really *about* us even when they're directed *at* us, and recognizing that sometimes feelings are just hard and we don't know how to deal and that's normal and we can keep trying and learning. I think if someone had had conversions about that with me when I was younger, I'd be better at processing and regulating my feelings now, and I also wouldn't have felt so responsible for others' emotional state.
This makes so much sense to me. I definitely entered adulthood with the beliefs that I should never feel anger and that I was responsible for the feelings of people around me. It's been a slow unlearning, but I've come a long way!
Same here!