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I'm not sure when I decided

my favourite colour was purple.

I think maybe I just felt

like I had to pick one,

and purple wasn't pink

like all the other girls,

and I wasn't pink

like all the other girls,

and the clumsy bruises

always covering my legs,

just another thing

highlighting my not-sameness,

were often purple.

.

I'm not sure at what point

the purple started to feel oppressive,

like I was being smothered by it,

like it was just another box

I had been forced into.

After a while, I tried to refine it

into a specific shade.

"I really love this purple,

just this one."

My favourite colour

became a purple

that was almost

not purple at all.

.

My husband's favourite

colour is purple, so when

we chose our wedding

colours they were

purple, with pops

of yellow and orange,

from wildflowers.

I think after the wedding,

I decided to let him have

all the purple. I wanted

the yellow and orange

of wildflowers,

of mustard and rust.

I wanted the green

of sage and moss,

the brown of clay

and fallen leaves,

the blue of the ocean

and forget-me-nots,

and, maybe,

even the pink

of the ballet shoes

I had always wanted to wear,

of the rose my mother

told me I was.

.

I wanted the rainbow

that I had stuffed

down inside of me.

I needed to see it,

to wrap myself in it,

to set it free.

I needed all of the colours

to blur and bleed together

until they were almost

unrecognizable,

until I could see that

they were all really

just reflections

of light, anyway,

just reflections

of stardust,

just reflections

of us, and we

are not solid, or

separate either.

.

My daughter wears a lot

of purple now. It is one

of her four favourite colours.

She has

four

favourite

colours.

When someone asks her

what her favourite colour is

she says, "yellow, and

dark blue, and

pink, and

purple."

.

She will never have to choose.

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i was just yelling back a really effusive response to this gorgeous poem and the way you weave so many stories and themes all around color (and purple in particular), but then I accidentally clicked something on my phone and lost the whole long comment, and that makes me want to yell in a different way. So here's take two . . . I adore your poem, especially the lines about choosing purple because all the other girls chose pink, "and I wasn't pink / like all the other girls," and then the turning point after your wedding, where you want the yellow and orange of wildflowers and of so many other colors, all tied to the earth. And then my absolute favorite part - "until I could see that / they were all really / just reflections / of light, anyway." So good!

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Haha, I have been there with losing my words and wanting to yell about it. ЁЯШЕ I really loved your use of the word "purpling" in your poem, and the line about grass in your throat, and I immediately thought of how my favourite colour had been purple and why it changed. So many of my poems probably never would've been written without you and this community, and I love that you thought of the phone tag idea, because it feels like such a natural progression of what we've already been doing here.

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I love the evolution here -- of thinking you have to choose and be boxed in, of finding your way to the edge of the box ("almost not purple at all") and finally out into the cacophony of all colors, even ones you thought you couldn't be before, and FINALLY finally parenting unboxed children who "will never have to choose." So good! I also really love "just reflections of us, and we are not solid, or separate either."

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Ooooh, I love you ending on your daughter's disruption of convention, so powerful!! I also loved these lines: "I wanted the yellow and orange of wildflowers, of mustard and rust..." (and all the ensuing lines of that stanza, ending with the rose your mother told you you were. Such gorgeous lines. A beautiful study in purple and contrasts.

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A. this is simply exquisite. Loved all the twists and turns. I felt taken on a ride with your relationship with purple! And I love that your daughter will never have to choose a specific color. Loved, "I wanted the rainbow that I had stuffed down inside of me. I needed to see it, to wrap myself in it, to set it free. I needed all of the colours to blur and bleed together until they were almost unrecognizable," YES!!!

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Beautiful! ЁЯдй I loved every line.

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Ahhhh this is lovely and the colors you chose for yourself after the wedding simply feel comforting and cozy and all enveloping. I love that your daughter has such a specific answer for her favorite color(s). My youngest's favorite color was always purple (although now she likes to rock a strictly black vibe) and she insisted on putting some purple flowers in although I thought they wouldn't work with what she had originally chosen for colors. But somehow they did!

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I love her answer, too. She started saying it, always in that order, when she was 3, I think? Maybe early 4. It makes me happy that she knows herself so well. I'm glad your daughter followed her instinct about the purple flowers. They were beautiful in my wedding, too.

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I went back and reread that and it made zero sense. I was referring to her wedding. Duh. She wanted to put some purple flowers in at the last minute. I wrote that in my brain.

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I understood!

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Why choose? Why pull one out? Can't we just dive in?

Kids are amazing.

Thank you.

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I love how poems take me everywhere and I love where this poem takes me, A. The morphing of the emotions behind the color purple to this wonderful line, тАЬI wanted the rainbow that I had stuffed down inside of me.

I needed to see it, to wrap myself in it, to set it free.тАЭ Beautifully written. The ending is so thoughtful, never having to pick just one favorite color. What a concept! Thanks for this, A.

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I echo what the others poets have said, this is an astounding and beautiful poem! It is truly a gem of gems, and the way you tell a story in such lyrical and beauitful flow is remarkable. These lines are treasures:

"and I wasn't pink

like all the other girls,

and the clumsy bruises

always covering my legs,

just another thing

highlighting my not-sameness,

were often purple."

What true treasures. And these wonderful words:

"Until I could see that

they were all really

just reflections

of light, anyway,

just reflections

of stardust,

just reflections

of us, and we

are not solid, or

separate either."

I love rainbows, and these lines few lines are an amazing testimony to the popwer that color andlight can have in our lives and the world. And last, the last line

"SHe will neber ahve to choose." deservbes a rousing Amen, bravo, standign ovation, for tis simple beauty and also because, in the love and care you shine into your live and the life of your beloveds, she will never have to choose. You are a rose by any name.

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Thank you, Larry. This one really poured out of me. It was overwhelming, but in a good way. Your response and everyone else's kind comments feel the same.

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A., I teally love yojur poems and look forward to reading them as soon as they pour out!

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