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A. Wilder Westgate's avatar

I'm not sure when I decided

my favourite colour was purple.

I think maybe I just felt

like I had to pick one,

and purple wasn't pink

like all the other girls,

and I wasn't pink

like all the other girls,

and the clumsy bruises

always covering my legs,

just another thing

highlighting my not-sameness,

were often purple.

.

I'm not sure at what point

the purple started to feel oppressive,

like I was being smothered by it,

like it was just another box

I had been forced into.

After a while, I tried to refine it

into a specific shade.

"I really love this purple,

just this one."

My favourite colour

became a purple

that was almost

not purple at all.

.

My husband's favourite

colour is purple, so when

we chose our wedding

colours they were

purple, with pops

of yellow and orange,

from wildflowers.

I think after the wedding,

I decided to let him have

all the purple. I wanted

the yellow and orange

of wildflowers,

of mustard and rust.

I wanted the green

of sage and moss,

the brown of clay

and fallen leaves,

the blue of the ocean

and forget-me-nots,

and, maybe,

even the pink

of the ballet shoes

I had always wanted to wear,

of the rose my mother

told me I was.

.

I wanted the rainbow

that I had stuffed

down inside of me.

I needed to see it,

to wrap myself in it,

to set it free.

I needed all of the colours

to blur and bleed together

until they were almost

unrecognizable,

until I could see that

they were all really

just reflections

of light, anyway,

just reflections

of stardust,

just reflections

of us, and we

are not solid, or

separate either.

.

My daughter wears a lot

of purple now. It is one

of her four favourite colours.

She has

four

favourite

colours.

When someone asks her

what her favourite colour is

she says, "yellow, and

dark blue, and

pink, and

purple."

.

She will never have to choose.

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Karri Temple Brackett's avatar

Y'all I am so f'ing angsty lately....forgive the melodrama!!

What will my world look like today?

Vibrant colors or shades of gray?

I cannot find an in between

The blandest grays and the most vivid greens.

Technicolor or black and white?

Brightest day or darkest night?

I'd love to find an even keel.

Whilst spinning on this color wheel.

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