I never wrote a poem for New York.
I was busy, memorizing lines in German I hoped might make someone become a Mormon. Men peered over my shoulder in the subway, asked what I was doing. “Preparing for my mission” is usually a conversation killer, but the creepy ones were undeterred. I was also undeterred, baby-cheeked and sure creepiness could be washed away by a just-right dunk in just the right font. One of the creeps— I mean, sons of God, rattling along on the 2 train, asked me to move in with him. “I have an apartment in midtown,” he said, and wanting to always be nice I let him down with the easiest truth— “I don’t like midtown,” I said, but he wouldn’t let go. He pressed with zeal. I slipped out between the closing doors. Two feet chasing mine. They belonged to a woman, tall and Black in a business suit. “I wanted to be sure he didn’t follow you,” she said, like I was someone worthy of saving. Then she turned to wait for the next train, and I climbed the stairs to enter the city, though I never wrote a poem for New York and never managed to give it a bath.
Photo by Chris Turgeon on Unsplash
The Prompt
Since I didn’t start writing poetry until late 2022 (and only started in earnest in 2023), most of my life is still untapped—at least as far as poems are concerned. It had never occurred to me to write a poem about New York, though my parents lived in Manhattan for a decade and I spent about a year of that time with them. But sitting in a cafe in downtown Louisville yesterday, staring out at the city streets, a flood of memories came back. In particular, I thought of that woman who followed me off the train. I remember feeling touched by her kindness but also surprised that she thought I was in any danger. It was broad daylight. What could possibly happen? Now, with 20+ more years of experience in the world, I view it differently. I would want to follow that young woman off the train, too. The fact that it was a Black woman who went out of her way to prevent even the possibility that harm might come to me stands out to me now, too. It has me asking myself if I am also looking for those moments when someone else might need me to put myself on the line. As a white feminist, what am I doing to support Black womxn? Am I looking around me? When I see a door cracked with what might be danger, am I willing to put my body there?
All this, prompted by city smells, squealing brakes, and a few moments gazing out a window and back at my own life.
If you would like a prompt to play with, I invite you to take a mental stroll (or a physical one, if that’s available to you) through a city of your choosing. Close your eyes (not if you’re actually walking, obviously). What sensory details can you conjure? Smells? Sounds? Maybe a taste to the air? What colors would you need on your palette if you were to paint this city? What would the energy of that painting be, and where would you find yourself in the picture?
Maybe stories or specific memories will come to mind for you, as they did for me. Let yourself relive them—if that’s a place you’re comfortable going. Notice what it’s like to relive them as your current self, with your current perspectives and your richer trove of memories. Do you view those moments of your life differently now than you did then? Do you view that city differently now?
Somewhere in the bustle and blare of your mental stroll through the city, something is likely to emerge that wants to be a poem. Play with it. Give it breath and ink and space. See what happens. And if you’d like to, share it in the comments! I love reading your poems and reflections.
Oh, and I forgot to tell you!
I mentioned a few months back that I pulled together a poetry collection and submitted it in a competition (the James Baker Hall Foundation Book Award). Well, I didn’t win, but I was a finalist, and that’s the reason I was in Louisville. I got to meet all sorts of brilliant and generous people and read a few of my poems for them. It was lovely, and it wouldn’t have happened without the support, cheerleading, accountability, and camaraderie of this little community here. So thank you, dear ones!
Danané
.
The air always tasted salty, though I don’t know
if we were near the sea. I licked my lips and loved it.
Grilled corn eaten on the bus. Fufu will expand in your stomach
(warned not to eat it, but we did anyway). The red of palm nuts
ground down to a paste. Doughnuts fried in twists, dark brown
covered in sugar. I liked the taste of everything in Danané.
.
My hair braided by Émiliènne into masses of slippery brown ropes
that slid and glided out while I slept. The fireflies lowering
into the bushes at night, blinking messages to each other.
The soft lengths of cloth—lappas—wrapped around
to make skirts, to make headpieces, to hold babies.
.
The baby who peed on my knee, her cloth diaper soaking through
as I held her on my lap. The slap of sandals as we walked.
In the bush, my friends used machetes to swipe the brush
and spiders haunted the eaves of their dwelling
the swelling heat moving into rain, and then heat
and then rain again.
Yesterday I walked in a grove of trees
Trees of different species from my home
They were beautiful but dispassionate
Communicating to me they only observe
The events of this place
They sometimes provide shade against an angry sun
Distraught against events in time
But today provide some protection
Against a light rain of tears
Why do I need protection
From something that only exists
In this grass covered history
The trees observe me peering
Into depressions of former mass graves
Within this killing field
In the land called Cambodia
Not recalling other mass killings
Of forests of trees destroyed
To provide fire and furniture
For financial gain of my species
Obdurate to the rhythms of life
What is life
Why is life
Why so vulnerable
To other life