I followed a flock of birds today,
brown and gray, colors of my hair. I tried to time my wing to theirs— it’s red and soft and beating all the time, though most of me is an ache of blue and an island, moss bright, green tongue stretching from the deep to lick every color.
The Prompt
Most of me wants, above all else, to be alive to my own aliveness. I want to taste every color, feel every feeling with its full range of intensity. Most of me. There are, of course, other parts, who find the whole project of feeling things quite inconvenient. Mostly, I’m kind to these parts. I get why they’re here, and I think they’re kinda cute. Mostly.
If it’s true that life is an ongoing conversation each of us has with the world, then it’s equally true that I am a conversation. I am an around-the-clock dialogue between a multitude of parts, voices, beliefs, and longings, as well as between my own past, present, and future. If you’re human, then I suspect this is true of you, too. What’s happening within this conversation today?
If you’d like a prompt to play with, then I invite you to tune into the conversation making up your inner landscape. As one possible doorway through which to enter, I invite you to take the phrase “most of me” from the poem I shared above and make a list of ten or so different true-for-you ways to complete that sentence. “Most of me is just furious that Herman’s bamboo is encroaching on my side of the fence.” “Most of me believes that people are basically good.” “Most of me just wants to eat pizza.”
If you want to keep going beyond ten items on your list, have at it! Follow whatever pulls you. Notice if there are patterns to your list. Notice if there are one or two statements that feel the most true. Notice if you write down something that surprises you, delights you, or makes you feel a little uncomfortable. With this prompt and every prompt (and maybe the whole of life), the magic is in the noticing.
If you already have the beginnings of a poem bursting free from the seams of your soul, feel free to give yourself over to that and write. If not, play and explore and notice a little more. What parts of you, what voices or beliefs or longings or emotions or limitations, do not show up on this list? You might make a second list. Explore what true-for-you statements want to follow the words “but part of me . . . .“ “But part of me is actually just angry at myself.” “But part me is afraid that’s no longer true.” “But part of me is mumbling some judgy shit about eating salad instead.”
Again, notice.
Let your noticings swirl until something presses or pulls. Until something excites your curiosity or desire for creative expression. Until something makes you wonder, “huh, what might I find if I tug on this thread?” If you’re up for it, then give it a gentle tug. Let that experience inspire your next poem.
And then share it if you’d like! It’s always such a delight to get to read your work. I’m still pinching myself—are you all real? Am I just dreaming up the notion that all of you lovely people are reading my poems and responding with your own beautiful words and reflections? If so, it is the best dream.
This was a fun exercise! For some reason, though, a fairly tangential poem came out of it. I'm not sure I can even trace the "most of me" / "part of me" connection -- but the poem arrived in the process, so here goes.
.
Nature is my living room,
by which I mean I feel safe there
and count on its constancy
like padding down the hall
with a book in hand, expecting
to find a couch around the corner
same as yesterday, but not exactly
feeling surprised by the little
couch-developments of the day,
like a new food stain or tuft of
dog hair, just settling in and
continuing my life on its surface.
I need nature like I need my couch,
I need to feel this unbothered,
this unapologetically myself.
But it takes a lot for an everyday
staple to bowl me over –
a wolf track, a long-awaited song,
a snowpack glittered and blinding.
These tokens arrive like rare
chains of words, the ones that
shine my cheeks, get me talking
to an empty house. I sit still,
willing the page to last
forever.
Really beautiful, friend. It's fascinating how deeply I felt the "ache of blue" that is you. I played a little with your prompt. Here's what came out:
***
Most of me wants something,
but none of me
wants the same thing,
much of my energy siphoned by seeking.
Yet some eternal part of me
wants for nothing.
It quietly witnesses the melee,
suspending any judgment
about the fracas of my fray.
While very much in me,
it’s not at all of me,
because it’s been here before
and will again be.
Having heard, tasted, smelled, felt and seen
Everything,
it understands all to be reverie.
So, as I exhaust myself grasping at gossamer,
it smiles benignly
and holds my secret wholeness ever so gently.